Self-compassion Is Far More Effective Than Shame For Self-Improvement

Shame game folks, we go round and round until we begin to uproot and shift the deeply held beliefs that keep us in shame. Shame doesn’t motivate real deal badass internal change. It motivates fear based momentary compliance! Get out of the constant shame sh*t cycle:

️SURRENDER - shame is an emotion. See that it exists. Acknowledge it’s the result of significant relationships and attachments. Surrender the numbing and controlling and perfectionism and allow shame to surface so we can begin the work.

‍♀️SOCIALIZATION - get in a group! Group therapy, friends, AA or eating disorders anonymous, and start to confront shame by not isolating! Shame loves isolation, fight with connection.

SELF-DISCLOSURE - vulnerability is key. Shame wants you to feel alone, defective, broken, and like it’s all you. Open up. Share. Share with folks who have earned your trust. You aren’t alone!

SENSITIVE - offer self compassion! be cool to yourself. Become a self-care warrior. Meet your needs. Validate your feelings. Treat yourself right and get in therapy.

SELF TALK - don’t be a butthole to yourself! Toxic shame is relentless, but you can wake up and fight back with “I belong, I am enough, I am worthy.”

SURFACING - Therapy therapy therapy. Get angry! Journal. Meditate. Visualization. Trauma work (with a therapist who is licensed).

♥️SELF LOVE - I have an entire course on this topic of self love, perfectionism, self compassion, and healing shame! Make sure to check it out!

SPIRITUALITY. John Bradshaw differentiates “healthy shame” from “toxic shame” (whereas Brene Brown says it’s guilt verses shame). He said “healthy shame” fosters spirituality because it lets us know we’re not god. It allows us to be imperfect and seek help. Spirituality can look like nature, living in line with your values, religion, ceremony, meditation, yoga, communication, chanting, service, seeking your purpose and not giving up!

I’m here to help you sock it to toxic shame. I’ve got your back with tons of education here, on my podcast, newsletter, deeper education and tools in my online courses, and the most in depth 1:1 in my counseling practice!

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♥️ My Therapy thoughts are for educational purposes only and are not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or individualized mental health or medical care.

Therapy and tacos for all,

T. Roe