Invalidation Leads to an Excessive Need for Validation
Therapy thoughts: Growing up in invalidating environments is related to emotional dysregulation.
When we are constantly invalidated, we don’t trust our emotional experience. We develop a deep sense of shame, something must be inherently wrong and broken with me. We simultaneously develop a strong belief that we need others love and approval, but we’ll never get it, which increases our emotional disconnect.
When we hear:
“You’re too sensitive,”
“Don’t feel that,”
“You’re crazy,”
“You’re too much,”
Our ability to regulate emotions erodes.
This invalidation can lead to a compulsive or excessive need to seek validation from others. We can feel so broken down and disconnected from self, we have holes in our self-worth bucket. We seek others to fill it, but to no avail because we have no foundation of worth or congruency filling those holes.
So, self-validation is the key. We feel deal heal. We see the invalidation from our relationships as reflections of that persons own pain, and begin the work. It’s our own responsibility to heal the wounds. We learn to feel, because we want to believe our feelings are valid. We learn to deal. We practice. And we stick to healing. We honor our complex experience with self compassion.
Get your own back, it’s got to be you because all the others who DO validate and fill you up can’t undo all the invalidation of your family or that one relationship (it does help especially if it’s a secure attachment). This is being a loving and warm parent TO YOURSELF. It’s mindfulness, self care, emotional healing, boundaries, validation, self compassion, and it works.
Therapy and tacos for all,
