Your Parent's Opinion of You Doesn't Determine Your Worth
Therapy thoughts: I’m seeing patterns in therapy coming up right now.
Inner child work and boundaries during this time are surfacing! Here’s my thoughts based in developmental science. No external person, force, check box, achievement, number, size, salary, validation, approval, words, experiences, or opinions determine your worth. If your parents said different, that’s their belief system and perception which isn’t universal truth & doesn’t have to be your reality.
Have you seen the analogy that you’re like a $100 bill and regardless of it being crumpled up, written on, ignored, or perceived as less valuable - it retains its worth. Your worth is inherent.
Hustling for your parents approval is normal as were very egocentric as children (believe everything is about us - ex: is dad an alcoholic? Egocentrism says It’s my fault). Until we develop psychologically and emotionally, we identify with our parents and see them as a reflection of us. As we grow through adolescence we begin to think abstractly and can start to see our parents as humans with imperfections instead of idealizing them with our child mind. Many of us overcompensate and don’t feel comfortable seeing our parents humanness and double down to protect them (because trauma & we still see ourselves in them so if they’re imperfect what’s that mean about us). Our job as adults is to be responsible for getting our own back, meeting our needs, setting boundaries, and developing self-validation. It’s not our job to get our parents approval. It’s our job to build compassion and security with ourselves. (Which actually allows us to connect better to others, including our parents).
I recommend working with a cool therapist or qualified coach to work through inner-child wounds and to build awareness and acceptance of your needs, boundaries, self-validation, compassion, voice, and build self-worth.
My online course; perfectionism & self love is a great place to start that’s accessible. Also my self-care course and communication course. Follow @the.holistic.psychologist for tons of free ego content and her free journal.
Take time to meditate. Read John Bradshaw’s inner child work books. 🆒
Therapy and tacos for all,