Therapy thoughts: Forgiveness isn’t a checkbox, it’s a lot like grief in that it’s a process that is ongoing and evolving.
These are steps I share in therapy to help my peeps authentically get there by feeling dealing and healing:
Resentment work, intentional resentment work, is important. Be mad. Feel it. Write it. Explore it. Speak it. Therapize it. Anger is valid and important.
Explore your responsibility. I got this idea from the Alcoholics Anonymous book and have adapted it. Look at your resentments and now look at how they impact you and own responsibility for your part - and responsibility to meet your needs and move through it. Your part today may be something like “I won’t set boundaries” or “I avoid feeling this.” Looks at what YOU can do, have control over, and what change piece is yours. Action here may look like getting therapy, meditation, setting boundaries, journaling, mindfulness, learning new thought patterns, emotional regulation, inner child work, etc!
Empathy for other people. A lot of us rush to this and justify others’ behavior, that’s why I say first let yourself be mad. But through authentic feeling, dealing, healing working toward empathy - seeing others humanity - will be healing for us. This is the work of dropping expectations and mourning.
Acceptance doesn’t mean it’s cool, we approve, we like it, want more, agree, etc. It means we accept facts and accept what is bc anything otherwise is delusion. Forgiveness means we no longer carry the powerlessness - but step into our power to feel and deal and this part is the healing.
Whatcha think? Have you tried these steps? Stuck anywhere? Therapy is cool and mental health education needs to be a thing.
Therapy and tacos for all,
